My coworkers said, “No deal.”
The person who was most adamant about not having a "Speak the Truth Day" was the one I most wanted to speak my mind to -- and I’m sure she knew that. In her defense, it would have been harsh and it was a bad idea. I found myself frequently irritated by her -- she was nice, well-meaning and did her job but she was not very smart and I knew I carried an extra load accommodating for that. Then there are just some people who get on your nerves -- and I’ll reveal my dark side in saying she got on mine, and I felt a little bit of twisted pleasure in imagining what a relief it would be to just express myself freely.
The person who was most adamant about not having a "Speak the Truth Day" was the one I most wanted to speak my mind to -- and I’m sure she knew that. In her defense, it would have been harsh and it was a bad idea. I found myself frequently irritated by her -- she was nice, well-meaning and did her job but she was not very smart and I knew I carried an extra load accommodating for that. Then there are just some people who get on your nerves -- and I’ll reveal my dark side in saying she got on mine, and I felt a little bit of twisted pleasure in imagining what a relief it would be to just express myself freely.
Though this idea was dropped like a hot potato, I’m pretty sure it had at least some appeal to others -- in part because who wouldn’t want unbridled
permission to say what’s on your mind without fear of the consequences? Very
liberating.
But there’s more to truth-telling than that. Hearing the truth means we know what the situation is, which doors are open to us and which are closed. When we speak the truth others know where we stand. I think that’s something we all crave. It’s the flip side of truth-telling that scares us. If we speak the truth freely, will we hurt someone else’s feelings? Will they hurt ours? Will hearing a particular truth force us to make a decision we don’t really want to make? Will speaking a particular truth mean changing our lives in a way we’re not yet ready for? It gets very complicated.
There’s been a lot said about truth-telling: “The truth hurts,” “You can’t handle the truth,” “The truth will set you free.” As immediately gratifying as it might have been to have my “Speak the Truth Day”, I don’t think the gratification would have lasted for more than a moment -- because for me the answer to de-complicating truth-telling is in the statement, “Above all else, to thine own self be true.”
There’s no glory in hurting someone’s feelings by being “snarky”. But
there is glory, and growth, in staying true to your convictions and principles -- and expressing them consistently through what you say and do. When you
speak the truth, in a thoughtful way, you affirm who you are and you make a comfortable
place for those around you to speak the truth too. That’s a “speak the truth
day” I think we can all live with.
I ask myself, why do you want to speak the truth? Do you instead lie? I know the answer is in-between. You (and I) are constantly telling the truth, just not the whole truth, not the brutally honest truth. The brutally honest truth is the type that is hardest to hear and the type that can hurt the most, but also the type that can set you free. The kind truth is “better luck next time” the brutal truth is “you are never going to be good at this, so stop trying and do something else”. I wish people would be brutal sometimes just so I know to stop trying, grieve, and move on. When this feedback is given about performance, we can learn from it. When it is about personality (or looks) there is nothing that can be done to change them and it hurts that much more. It is knowing when to use which type that makes us wise, good friends.
ReplyDeleteI believe speaking the truth is in how the truth is delivered. Having a truth day where you tell it like it is can have an outcome not anticipated. As mentioned, be brutally honest can be like getting slapped in the face and I’m a little perplexed why the truth has to be brutally delivered? What’s wrong with delivering kind truth? Why does the truth have to be delivered with a punch or impact? You can be honest and at the same time show some compassion.
ReplyDeleteImagine US diplomats speaking to representatives from another country and telling them their national product sucks and no way in hell is it going to be allowed into the US. They wouldn’t get very far in asking for US products to be allowed into their country, but they could say products coming into the US have to meet a specific standards as do all countries. Again, its in how the truth is delivered and unfortunately delivering the truth is a skill/trait not naturally acquired by most folks. You have to knowingly work on it and always have to think before you speak; something a lot of us don’t…including myself.
Now on the other side of the coin, at least with the person who delivers the brutal truth, you will know where you stand with them. No gray area or unsure of what they mean….right?